approaching therapy

musings as they come, and as they evolve …


without comments

Sometimes people want to tell their partners how much they feel hurt. I figure they want empathy.

So I can mediate a discussion. It’s all calm-like and everything’s stated in proper English. The hurt person says, “I feel hurt,” and the alleged perpetrator says, “I get that you feel hurt.” You’d think that would do it, but sometimes the hurt and anger is still there. Something’s still there. There’s still upset in the air.

It’s because the energy behind the feeling is still there.
The wellspring of energy has to be vented.

Wouldn’t it be great if the hurt person could scream at the partner, and the partner could just sit there and listen with compassion? And the air would be cleared, once and for all.

Or maybe the upset energy is something that has a life of its own, and needs to unruffle on its own sweet time, in its own organic way, and there’s nothing one can do to help clear it any faster.

I think there’s some sort of alchemy of healing that happens when you can communicate directly to the person around whom you feel hurt.
But some folks suggest that the “hurt” is just energy, and that it can be expressed in any number of ways, on your own.
Leonard Jacobson says do an anger meditation. Do it from a place of consciousness and don’t believe your stories. He says do it until you start laughing. Then you know you got it.


Written by David

March 23rd, 2010 at 9:43 am

Posted in couples

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