approaching therapy

musings as they come, and as they evolve …

don’t bother

without comments

Funny book.
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny, New York: Broadway Books, 2007.
First came upon it reading a reader’s review of the book on Amazon. The reviewer wished she had read it earlier. It would have saved her thousands of “wasted” (!) dollars in therapy. [unfortunately, the link to her Amazon review has disappeared but her text has resurfaced on other sites!]
I figured I should know about such a book.
It talked about biological differences between men and women, their respective needs and their respective reactions to each other. I love simple explanations. I want to be able to spot clear patterns that do or don’t work.

Two people trying to talk about their issues? Don’t bother. It’s just looking for trouble. In fact, it just makes things worse. The first person initiates the conversation. The second person reacts. And then the first person is left feeling even worse. No one’s needs are met. No one is feeling connected.

I like what she writes, about how we can clue into our own reactions. If we’re upset or annoyed, it’s just ’cause our partner is also struggling with something. So that’s your cue to connect compassionately. To yourself and to your partner.

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Written by David

February 20th, 2010 at 1:37 pm

Posted in couples

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