approaching therapy

musings as they come, and as they evolve …

gripe fest

without comments

We don’t have any problems — except when we try and talk about things.

Reminds me of that phenomenon that Werner Herzog talks about* – about shining neon lights into every corner of a room. And what happens? It becomes uninhabitable.
Sometimes I think he may be right. When you focus on the negative, that’s what your experience will be.

For some couples, things will go along fine until the topic happens to be brought up. Then the argument starts.

So I asked some other couples about whether shining the light on so-called problems helped or just made them feel miserable.

One couple said, “We can air out stuff that’s bugging us. It’s a safe way to open up to each other and we know it’s not gonna get into a screaming match.”
Another couple said, “I like that it’s not a gripe fest.”

I’m not doing anything differently, but some couples want to blame and argue and some couples find they can talk.

*Interview with Terry Gross, Fresh Air from WHYY, Oct. 27, 1998

Share

Written by David

May 20th, 2010 at 11:22 pm

Posted in couples

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.