approaching therapy

musings as they come, and as they evolve …

in spite of

without comments

Below is a link to the article I came across.  I like how outrageous it is, with ridiculous terminology to describe people, and I also like the honesty.  It’s a relief.  So many people are trying to hold themselves to some ideas of how they should be as people and in relationship, and that in itself creates internal conflict and problems.  Instead I’m for owning all the parts and just holding them with levity and love.

It’s quite a model of love.  But I’d change it slightly.  Instead of saying love is about loving someone in spite of who they are, I would say that love is about loving someone in spite of who WE are, and the way WE drive OURSELVES batty by how WE respond to other people who are doing nothing more than just being themselves:

Opinionator – A Gathering of Opinion From Around the Web
June 15, 2013
I Know What You Think of Me
By Tim Kreider


We all make fun of one another behind one another’s backs, even the people we love. Of course we do — they’re ridiculous. Anyone worth knowing is inevitably also going to be exasperating: making the same obvious mistakes over and over, dating imbeciles, endlessly relapsing into their dumb addictions and self-defeating habits, blind to their own hilarious flaws and blatant contradictions and fiercely devoted to whatever keeps them miserable. (And those few people about whom there is nothing ridiculous are by far the most preposterous of all.)

Just as teasing someone to his face is a way of letting him know that you know him better than he thinks, making fun of him behind his back is a way of bonding with your mutual friends, reassuring one another that you both know and love and are driven crazy by this same person.

Although sometimes, let’s just admit, we’re simply being mean. …

THE operative fallacy here is that we believe that unconditional love means not seeing anything negative about someone, when it really means pretty much the opposite: loving someone despite their infuriating flaws and essential absurdity. “Do I want to be loved in spite of?” …

More and more, I’m finding it helpful to honor our humanness.


Written by David

March 1st, 2014 at 1:31 pm

Posted in couples

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