approaching therapy

musings as they come, and as they evolve …

thanks

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Thanksgiving.
What is it about? I asked someone. She said, “be with family.”
Might as well, if you enjoy that sort of thing, since sometimes that’s all we got when it comes does to it – family and whoever else is in our lives.
Forget about material things.
And time is passing. So enjoy the living ones while you can.
Thanks.

Written by David

November 21st, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Posted in family

that time of year

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Some thoughts that relate to “that time of year”, thoughts that relate to other discussions on keeping even-keeled, keeping stress at bay, and managing your sense of self in relationships, particularly during the holidays. I was interviewed by Joanne Barker for an article on WebMD, and some of my thoughts made it into print.

You can view the article in context here: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/family-health-12/reduce-holiday-stress

You can print the article here: Print Me

You can download a PDF here: Download Me

Enjoy

Written by David

October 22nd, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Posted in couples,individuals

asking and giving

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Two things
One is moving towards in the form of giving
The other is moving towards in the form of asking
A little of both will help.

If you don’t ask, you’ll be getting yourself in trouble if you’re expecting to be given to. Even in expecting another person to know what it is that turns you on.

If you give without asking, you get a treat, too in the form of a smile back.

Written by David

July 21st, 2012 at 9:50 am

Posted in couples

the new empathy

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According to Pat Love, it turns out that there are two empathic systems in the brain.

See this short video link: http://youtu.be/a8rd7KbzZTs

One is the MNS – Mirror Neuron System
This is what we think of as the classic empathic system – which enables one person to feel what another is feeling.
It’s like compassionate presence.

But there’s another system – the TPJ – Temperoparietal Junction System
According to Pat, that part of the brain is just as empathic, but responds with analysis and troubleshooting to fix the problem, to alleviate the pain as quickly as possible.

Most women use the MNS and appreciate that, and most men use the TPJ.
Sometimes people want compassion and not troubleshooting.
In fact, sometimes the troubleshooting misses the target, so to speak, and makes things worse.
It’s one of those many (!) things people tend to do that ends up being counter to someone’s needs for empathy.

That’s unfortunate!

Written by David

May 20th, 2012 at 11:40 am

the difference

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What’s your take on what’s going on and what needs to happen?

Is it about delusion of duality and permanence?
Is it about differentiation?
Is it about self-empathy?
Is it about shifting from the head to the heart?
Is it about safety? Connection?

Are they different? Are the paths in therapy different? Are they all saying and/or aiming for the same thing?

Written by David

May 8th, 2012 at 12:43 pm

4 years?

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It has been said that couples usually take several years to process an affair.
Several years?
3 years?
4 years?
Please keep this in mind.
It can help orient you.
Allow allow allow.
allow time.
allow the desire to get over it.
and allow the time to get over it.

Written by David

April 27th, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Posted in couples

adding up

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I spoke about communication, and being seen. What is this about? A quality of connection. And there’s a feeling there that people have when it’s good. A good feeling. That’s what people are after. That feeling.

Written by David

January 6th, 2012 at 1:06 am

Posted in couples,individuals

companion

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Seems companionship is important to people.

Written by David

January 6th, 2012 at 1:04 am

Posted in couples,individuals

by the way

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As an aside, I asked, “How are you feeling, by the way?”

Written by David

December 22nd, 2011 at 1:20 am

Posted in individuals

seen

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I spoke about trust earlier.
Seems being seen is really important to people. The sense that someone gets us. There’s a sense of connection there, like that look across the room, or it doesn’t even have to be that far away. That look and you know, you know you know.

Written by David

December 18th, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Posted in couples