The Missing Experience

Relationship 101 and 201

Before I turned 30, I came to the idea that Relationship 101 is about not trying to change your partner.
I still forget that. It’s a meditation to see the person as s/he really is, rather than how you wish s/he would be.

Now that I’ve been working as a counselor, I’m thinking that Relationship 201 is about taking responsibility for our experience. It’s a shift in consciousness that really can make things fly. Without it, it’s going to be round after round of the same thing. You guessed it. Reactivity, blame, struggle.

Other things come to me. Relationship 301. Speaking up. Asking for what you want instead of expecting the other person to unilaterally act on some prescience.

I guess all this in some way relates to what it is to be an individual and to let the other person be the individual that s/he is as well.

Like everyone, I have different sides. Counselor, photographer, writer, cooker of food – both spicy and plain, and seeker of truth and happiness. I have always taken an interest in the unassuming things that pass us by – both heard and seen, both ordinary and not so ordinary. They are all sacred and beautiful in some way.

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