“There is nothing in this world more difficult
than another person”
– Buddhist Monk.
“We were able to walk on the same side of the street when we left, and that's good.”
– A person I worked with.
- Have a mediated discussion
- Slow down discussion and keep reactivity in check
- Interrupt and steer discussions away from endless circles or unproductive patterns
- Identify and nurture positives in the relationship
- Learn how your reactions to each other are understandable and not uncommon
- Offer observations, perspective, and feedback from a neutral perspective
- Take turns speaking and listening
- Learn to listen to your partner's words and really hear the underlying feelings, needs and desires
- Facilitate understanding of each other's experience
- Identify each other's feelings and needs
- Practice empathic connection
- Doubling, which means to speak on your behalf when you don't have the words
- Learn how to ask for what you want and negotiate together
- Strategize together on solutions
- Puzzle over approaches to parenting
- Learn more effective ways to communicate together
- Learn different ways to give to each other
- Brokerage apologies and forgiveness
- Have a "fun" argument
- Learn ways to take a break when things get heated
- Learn how to shift the focus (and any blaming thoughts) away from your partner and focus on and take care of yourself
- Learn how to take things less personally
- Increase awareness of what goes on when you are triggered, and learn how to better manage your reactions
Individuals – Couples – Families
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